This is where I’m at

photo credit: Tyler core

We’re six months into the COVID-19 pandemic. The death tolls continue to rise. The infection tolls continue to rise. America has been in varying levels of “safer at home” or “shelter in place” orders. AKA quarantine, lockdown, whatever your community is calling it. We’re here.

“Here” for me looks like the last stage of grief: acceptance. If I was in Denial about the pandemic in the weeks leading up to the lockdown and the month into it, while I continue to fight bouts of Anger and Depression and gave up Bargaining long ago, I am here. If my grief is for the life that was before this pandemic, I’ve accepted that this life is like during the pandemic and even as we come out of it.

My life now is mostly at home, so I have to make my home a truly functional and inspiring place and not the crash pad I’ve treated it for the last five years.

I will only venture out of my home in controlled environments and situations. And the “control” is mostly what I can do to ensure limited exposure – is it a place with proper ventilation and air filtration? Can I properly social distance?

My work (that I’m very blessed to have) will be remote. As an extrovert, I have to find new ways to draw inspiration and productivity. I have to find new spots in my space to escape to to get out of my head and push through.

In other work thoughts, I’m taking comfort in reports back from my friends who’ve been on set that they are some of the safest environments to be in right now which puts me at ease for when I book my first “in-pandemic in-person” gig. But until then, it’s finding ways to keep virtual performance/art innovative and engaging.

I accept that for now the safest way to interact with my friends is through Zoom, though I’m finding other socially distanced alternatives like supporting friends’ side hustles and picking up purchases from their home and chatting for a few moments on the street.

I accept it will be a long time before I hug someone again but when it happens, it will be glorious.

This is life now. I accept it. I’m not happy about it, but it’s what we’ve got to work with. Can it get better? Yes. But only if we do our part to minimize risk and exposure (for god sake, wear a mask, wash your hands, think of others!) and get out and vote in November.

Are you registered to vote yet?


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